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Inappopriate Stories


mick.wheelz
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Hi All,

Providing the mods don't mind, I think we should have an inappropriate stories thread. It is always good for a laugh to read the funny, random, perverted, etc things people have seen and done.

I have a few to share but i will wait to see if it is OK first.

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Alright then.

This story is from back when I was living in Bundaberg.

I am recounting this from my very blury memories of the night, and what my friend Sarah and my cousin have told me.

So... It was my cousins 21st birthday and we decided a night on the town was in order

We started off at my Sarah's house for pre drinks.... pre drinks consisted of most of a bottle of Absolut vodka.

Now, Sarah's house was just outside the CBD of Bundaberg, so it was literaly a 200 meter walk to the pub/clubs.

Once we were both good and drunk, we stumbled up to a pub called 'the metro hotel'... shots and many smirnoff double blacks were had there, until we got bored and decided to move on.

We then went to 'the central hotel' to meet up with some friends, and drink more. It is about 1 am by now and due to the vast quantity of alcohol I had drank, i was pretty much useless.

So my cousin decides that its time to head back to Sarah's so I can pass out.

We walk back to hers, and what seemed like a 30 second walk (and should have been) actually took 30 minutes.

So we get back in there, and I strip off, and jump in to Sarah's bed.... and this is where it all went wrong.

I close my eyes and the whole world around me feels like its spinning... and then, my esophagus gets a lot shorter than it should be... I knew what was coming next... I sat up, and went for the window on Sarah's side of the bed.

I didn't make it.

I vomit all over Sarah's legs.

She wakes up, and as you would expect, is not very pleased with me.

I then feel it again, this time, i make it to the window I was aiming for originally

Unfortunately, someone happens to be walking underneath said window at the time (Sarah's house was in a block of apartments, and on the top floor)

I hear a scream as I fall back on to the bed.

Sarah then decides, after alot of swearing at me, to throw me in the shower and attempt to clean her bed.

I thought it was over, but boy was I wrong.

So i manage to wash the puke off myself in the shower, dry off and go back to her room. My cousin and her have flipped the mattress over, so i get back in to bed.

My cousin (who has spent most of his life working on farms) then says, well at least its not as bad a cow afterbirth.

I start to sit up, but I vomit again... all over myself.

Back in the shower I go, back out, i hop back into the bed, and pass out in a pool of my own puke.

Sarah slept on the couch that night.

Needless to say, I was not popular the next day.

Now who else has got some?

Edited by mick.wheelz
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Alright then.

This story is from back when I was living in Bundaberg.

I am recounting this from my very blury memories of the night, and what my friend Sarah and my cousin have told me.

So... It was my cousins 21st birthday and we decided a night on the town was in order

We started off at my Sarah's house for pre drinks.... pre drinks consisted of most of a bottle of Absolut vodka.

Now, Sarah's house was just outside the CBD of Bundaberg, so it was literaly a 200 meter walk to the pub/clubs.

Once we were both good and drunk, we stumbled up to a pub called 'the metro hotel'... shots and many smirnoff double blacks were had there, until we got bored and decided to move on.

We then went to 'the central hotel' to meet up with some friends, and drink more. It is about 1 am by now and due to the vast quantity of alcohol I had drank, i was pretty much useless.

So my cousin decides that its time to head back to Sarah's so I can pass out.

We walk back to hers, and what seemed like a 30 second walk (and should have been) actually took 30 minutes.

So we get back in there, and I strip off, and jump in to Sarah's bed.... and this is where it all went wrong.

I close my eyes and the whole world around me feels like its spinning... and then, my esophagus gets a lot shorter than it should be... I knew what was coming next... I sat up, and went for the window on Sarah's side of the bed.

I didn't make it.

I vomit all over Sarah's legs.

She wakes up, and as you would expect, is not very pleased with me.

I then feel it again, this time, i make it to the window I was aiming for originally

Unfortunately, someone happens to be walking underneath said window at the time (Sarah's house was in a block of apartments, and on the top floor)

I hear a scream as I fall back on to the bed.

Sarah then decides, after alot of swearing at me, to throw me in the shower and attempt to clean her bed.

I thought it was over, but boy was I wrong.

So i manage to wash the puke off myself in the shower, dry off and go back to her room. My cousin and her have flipped the mattress over, so i get back in to bed.

My cousin (who has spent most of his life working on farms) then says, well at least its not as bad a cow afterbirth.

I start to sit up, but I vomit again... all over myself.

Back in the shower I go, back out, i hop back into the bed, and pass out in a pool of my own puke.

Sarah slept on the couch that night.

Needless to say, I was not popular the next day.

Now who else has got some?

haha i definately rate that story.

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HAHA not that night no, but plenty of times since ;)

Speaking of scoring.

Once again, while I was living in Bundaberg

I was out on the town with some friends again and feeling rather plastered... I was at that lovely stage of drunk where things start to get really blury.

I was tuning some chick at the bar, and obviously saying the right things, because long story short I ended up going home with her.

Now, I cant remember sh*t after this... I don't event know what this chick looked like.

Anyhow, fastfoward to the next morning... I wake up... butt naked, clothes all over the room, used franger on the ground and a splitting headache.

I was the only one in the room... so i thought to my self... "I don't even want to know"

I threw my pants and shirt on, grabbed the rest of my sh*t and quietly walked to the bedroom door.

I looked around and couldn't see anyone, but I could see the front door.

I don't know where the girl was, probably in the can. I didn't really want to hang around to find out

So thats where I headed, I got outside and started running.

Bundaberg is a small town, So I soon got to a major road, called up a mate and went the f*ck home.

What a good night!

Now it's everyone else's turn.

Edited by mick.wheelz
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Righto, one of many, this one is recent....

I got this sheila on the tune, so I went to hang out with her at this party where her friends where, there was heaps of emos and faggots, I drank two six packs of Tooheys New so that I could handle being around them. anyway the cops come and everyone scarpered cause they where all 17. We went to my mates house party and I walked in the door and spotted a bottle of jager on the bench and sculled half the ***** in one go, the next thing I remember I was hugging the toilet at home with spew every where with no underpants on under my jeans and in a high vis shirt I didn't own. I rang this sheila and was informed that I was so ****** that I got naked and tryed to fight people in the nude and was being a down right putrid bogan ***** HAHAHA

she still talking to me, so she must be a keeper, cause this sort of behaviour is the norm* LOLOL

*this was my first time being naked and rowdy at the same time....

Edited by Sea Moose
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There was also the time I got drunk with my best mate and his missus at the time down the south coast, anyway we were going to sleep on air matresses on his nans back verandah and I hear this grunting LOL and I was like "******en hurry up and rock a load in her snatch already *****, I wanna sleep" then there was whispering and I hear "Simo, come root my girlfriend" to which I replied "neck up you queer *****"... This went on for 10 minutes till she started chiming in "come on simo, come and root me, it will be fun" after another 5 minutes of this I was like "**** sake, righto" so I swapped air matresses with old mate and started plodding his missus, mid plod I hear him say "simo, dont you kiss my girlfriend" to which I replied "Bloke!! I am balls deep in your girlfriends ***** and you tell me not kiss her?!" the next day it was heaps awkward and we wernt friends after like 2 weeks...

*** I miss being 16

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