I see that this issue is still active? I have not seen any fixed answers, this is how I got my relay to trigger with the high beam only.
Connect one side of the relay coil to permanent power.
find the 'High beam' indicator wire in the instrument cluster loom (Red/Yellow).
Splice into 'High Beam' indicator wire and connect it to the other side of the relay coil with a small (3 Amp) fuse.
The relay will energise when the 'High Beams' are on as the indicator wire goes to ground when the High beams are on works fine on an 2005 Highlux