King of the Hill

[Azza]

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

KING!!!

[Saiya]

'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.

[Azza]

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

[Saiya]

A snail can sleep for 3 years.

[MRROLA]

In 1825, the first toilet was installed in the White House.

[Saiya]

"Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

[Azza]

A guy goes to the Council to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him "Have you been in the armed services?"

"Yes," he says "I was in the army for three years and served in Iraq."

The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward

employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says "Yes 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my

testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy "OK. I can hire you right now. The

hours are from 8:00 AM. to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow.

Come in at 10:00 AM."

The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00 AM. to 4:00

PM. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM?"

"This is a council job" the interviewer replies.

"For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls.......

no point in you coming in for that."

[Saiya]

Twenty-Four-Karat Gold is not pure gold since there is a small amount of copper in it. Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.

[MRROLA]

The appliance that uses the most use of water in the home is the toilet.

[Saiya]

Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.

[Azza]

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my backyard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: '$20 or off it comes!'"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay.

[Saiya]

Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Say no evil ).

[Azza]

An elderly gentleman carefully walked to the local drugstore and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.

The pharmacist asked, "How many?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen.

I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That is too small a dose.

That won't get you through sex."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I am eighty-five years old and I

don't even think about sex anymore.

I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't ***** on my shoes.

[MRROLA]

Five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

[Saiya]

55 per cent of people yawn within 5 minutes of seeing someone else yawn. Reading about yawning makes most people yawn.

[Azza]

Typoglycemia

This is for you spelling Nazi's out there :P

Don't not read this because it looks weird. Believe it or not you can read

it .....

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The

phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde

Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit

pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a

porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by

istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed

Typoglycemia :)-

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

[Saiya]

Socrates became famous for asking questions about almost everything !!

[MRROLA]

Approximately 100,000 people get married in Las Vegas each year.

[Azza]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on

the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished

it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. ÿIt's going to start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. ÿWhen it

was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" ÿShe blows her top, "You *****! You waltz in here, flop

your fat **** down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run

around like your slave. ÿDon't you realize that I cook and clean and

wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed: "Damn, it's started."

[Saiya]

Coca-Cola was originally green.

[MRROLA]

Children laugh about 400 times a day, while adults laugh on average only 15 times a day.

[Azza]

Approximately 100,000 people get married in Las Vegas each year.

Not anyh more, I believe they lost theire 24 hour marriage permit

[Saiya]

Smartest dogs: 1) Scottish border collie; 2) Poodle; 3) Golden retriever.

Dumbest: Afghan hound.

[Tats]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on

the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished

it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. ÿIt's going to start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. ÿWhen it

was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" ÿShe blows her top, "You *****! You waltz in here, flop

your fat **** down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run

around like your slave. ÿDon't you realize that I cook and clean and

wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed: "Damn, it's started."

I can't wait to get married

[MRROLA]

In a lifetime, the average driver will honk 15,250 times.