eggbert_99

keg

extinct

A man and his wife in court were getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up an said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into the world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody." The Judge turns to the husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?" The man sat for while contemplating, then slowly rose. "Your Honor! If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out... whose Pepsi is it. the machine's or mine?"

RunX .. - distant relative maybe ! .. FABREEZE is the next best invention other than masking tape. and its like $5 in woollies ... try it .. and tell us how you go !

chocolit !

1 word ... FABREEZE ...

Macgyver .. ( he has lots of ideas ..) and I still want a pocket knife

Womens weekly

boost

Dell (thats just what is on mine ..)

Hello Everyone, I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important. Please send this to everyone on your e-mail list. If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your bum, do not show him your bum. This is a scam. He only wants to see your bum. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap. Kind Regards, Jason

mouse

mushy peas

Pocket Knife .. (I want one for christmas ... Just like Macgyver !! ..)

Lab coat

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather - who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." Author Unknown Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." Author Unknown "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." Drew Carey "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." Jeff Foxworthy "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." Bob Ettinger "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" Paula Poundstone "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh." Conan O'Brien "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my ***.... I could be eating a slow learner." Lynda Montgomery "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." Johnny Carson "Sometimes I think war is ***'s way of teaching us geography." Paul Rodriguez "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?" Warren Hutcherson "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My ***, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'" Dave Barry Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken. Unknown, presumed deceased

angelina jolie

P & O

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident' "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Black face lift stivo on old northern road .. just past castle towers. Waved but he was too busy talking on the phone !

missile

HALF !

distance

short

#1 is hot