John Howard is actually the last of his kind in an extinct race of monkey known as the 'Galapagos Monkey'. They were the closet resemblence to human beings before being wiped out by infighting caused by the telling of bad jokes. It now makes complete sense why John Howard talks like this: "A...a..a..a..a...a...a..a..a w..w...w..w..eelll...l..l..l..l..l. I th..th...th...th...th...th...think...th..that.." And so forth. Unlike regular members of the monkey family where they utter, "OOO OOO AHH AHH" noises as a means to communicate, the Galapagos Monkey managed to take this to a new step and attempted verbal communication through the English language. There were some Galapagos Monkeys that were very fluent in the way they spoke English, however John, being the last of his own kind, alas cannot speak proper English to save himself. Note: There have been no talks of putting John into a protection program, and classifying him as an 'endangered species' due to the fact that he's a f*cking idiot.