This Years Darwin Awards

[MAP81]

They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person

who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the

most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine

which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free

soda out of it.

And the nominees this year in reverse order are

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,

because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with

milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited

into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire

burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died

of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall

and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra,

black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he

was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a

military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber

hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to

one end of a hollow tube approx.12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's

other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the

cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the

circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude

when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the

occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and

crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants

around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he

tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad

trestle. Fairfax County Police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,

taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one

foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at LakeAccotinkPark, jumped

and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said

investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.

"The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance

between the trestle and the ground". Carmichaelsaid. Police say the

apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a

friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.

The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was

hospitalised.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the

smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,

extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,etc.

After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas

company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they

had difficulty navigating in the dark.To their frustration, none of the

lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the

technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that

resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like

object, the gas in the warehouse exploded,sending pieces of it up to

three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter

was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of

causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....

1, Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt

Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local

golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad

mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum

in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante

by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place,

thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately

passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.

Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a

foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and

the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open

during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and

remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed

and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and

the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a

new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and

was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for

surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course. NB

This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.

But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of

stupidity, we have allowed it.

[rollagrl]

heheheheheheheh hahahahaha

[qkslvr]

hilarious stuff! Tge darwin awards gave a new meaning to the term "dark humour"