sorry if they offend some people: why cant kiwis take there girlfriends to the cricket? they keep jumping the fence and eating the grass. how do you turn a dishwasher into a cement mixer, give her a shovel. Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'. She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you *******'. He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your **** but you said, 'f##k off it'll be too painful', Now who's laughing' man and his wife were out shopping one day. man puts 12VB cans into the trolley. wife- what do you think your doing? man-they're on special $10 for 12 cans wife- put them back we cant afford it. they carry on shopping. a few aisles later, wife picks up $20 jar of face cream and puts in the trolley. man- what do you think your doing? wife- its my face cream. it makes me look beautiful. man- SO DOES 12 CANS OF VB AND ITS HALF THE f#####g PRICE!!!