mtbrider

Lift Lift Lift Lift The ability to fit my bike in a car with LIFT

Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, "This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!" She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he'd get right on it. The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter and called him back. "Please set this error straight before tomorrow," she begged. "There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone must attend!" "Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away." Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning he received another phone call from hell. He picked up the receiver and heard, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"

A bit of Aussie culcha to start the week! LOG ON: Adding wood to make the Barbie hotter. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the Barbie. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the Barbie. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold Tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys. WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold. SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season. BYTE: What mozzies do. MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do. CHIP: A bar snack. MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the Chips. MODEM: What you did to the lawns. LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps. SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster. HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart. MOUSE: The small rodent that eat's the grain in the Shed. MAINFRAME: What hold's the shed up. WEB: What spiders make. WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah. SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go. CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go. YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go. UPGRADE: A steep hill. SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the Counter lunch. MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter Lunch. USER: The neighbor who keep's borrowing things. NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing Net. INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go. NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in The net. ONLINE: Where you hang the washing. OFFLINE: Where the washing end's up when the pegs aren't

There is a lot of Stivo driving cyclists out there. Me Super Dav's Dad Obviously Blue Stivo Craig (Snowflake) Pippy (maybe just bush) So be careful and treat cyclists like they are one of your family as it could be one of us. Yes there are some d head cyclists out there and there are some d head stivo drivers out there but that does not make you a d head because you drive a stivo. I see a lot of car drivers abuse cyclists for no reason - real physical life endangering stuff. Throwing bottles Maccas trays, apples, food and rubbish and swerving at them and coming really close and yelling and beeping. Not to mention the potholes, rocks, stones, glass, screws, nails and assorted cr@p on the road. So now you know what cyclists have to put up with and why they may give you the finger if you endanger their life.

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to carry out an audit of the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these matzo (flat bread eaten at Passover) purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete d ick.

There is no just Pho to go to in brissy bro.

How about a decent cup holder. Rather than those shallow holes in the console. These do not hold Maccas cups well at all and those are the only thing I put in there on the trip home from the drive thru

That thing would be black within a day and look like cra p (well even crappier than it already does)

You have me all interested in PHO. I have made a few enquiries about where to go in Brissy. Maybe Huong's (in West End) or I have been recommended to Ben's at Wooloongabba this is their web site http://www.bensrest.com.au/vietmenu.htm Anyone got any recommendations for Brisbane.

Residency and job stability (time in the job) are two of the biggest point scorers in the approval process. You may get some one to approve a loan but it would most likely be at very high rates. As you are getting married (and if your credit rating is not up the ****ter) then you should just go co borrower with her. I'm sure that would get you through and get bank rates.

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!" You're Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your Mom agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-up appeared and said: "You've Got Male"

A Father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through innocent eyes. Suddenly she stopped and stared at the ground. He went to see what work of 9od had captured her attention. He noticed she was watching two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" She asked. "They're mating", her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top", She asked" "Thats a Daddy long Legs", Her father answered. "So the other one is a Mommy Long Legs?" the little girl asked. As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No dear, both of them are Daddy Long Legs". He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. The little girl, looking a bit puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, were not having any of that poofter stuff going on in our garden!" She said.

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 100kph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that"

Craig. Best wishes from the Andersons. As you know I have two little un's (well not so little now with eldest 13 going on 30 and a girl) and they are the best . Keep you on your toes and broke of course. Hope all goes well and you and your family have a great future. PS That's not a wave. The bubs practicing his grip for when you buy them their first mountain bike.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru??" The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy,the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath).... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a 'Protestant'.? Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

Thanks. They no nothing. Just sell you what they have. Thanks anyway

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk, "Dddooo youuuu hhave dddddiilllldosss?" The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing,replies, "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models. The old woman then asks, "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss;ththiickk that Vvviiiibbbrrraaatttteeesss?" The clerk responds, "Yes, we do." The poor old lady replies, "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu knnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe dddddaaammmmn ttthingggg offffff

Those costs can really get up there. Looks like you wouldn't want to break the law either. Saw a jail term for using your mobile while driving. Cars are the most costly mode of transportation in Singapore. A brand new Japanese car can easily cost S$80,000 and above, while luxury cars cost more than S$150,000. However, cars has become an essential many Singaporeans daily life. For first timers to Singapore, is is good to know of the following terms and policies in alliance with usage of vehicles in Singapore. COE Registration tax for new cars Annual motor vehicle licenses (road tax) ERP- Charging of road usage Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) An electronic system of road pricing, it covers all congested roads and expressway during the morning peak hours and the whole work days in the central business districts. Vehicles will be charged via the ERP unit fitted in every Singapore registered vehicle. Licenses It is compulsory for all drivers to possess a Singapore driving license before driving on the roads. The Singapore driving license can be obtained from the Licensing Section of the Traffic Police Department. Those without a license before and are 16-year old and above can register with the Licensing Section of the Traffic Police Department or any driving test centres in Singapore for the Highway Code test. On passing this test, the person can apply for a Provisional Driving License (PDL) which is valid for six months and is renewable for up to two years only. With this license, the applicant can then learn to drive but must display "L" plates on the front and rear of the car, and must be accompanied by a licensed person. Although driving is the same every where, it is good to get a local driving instructor to familiarise yourself with the traffic rules and regulations here. Vehicle Quota System The vehicle quota system was first introduced to control the number of new cars entering the roads each month. If you wish to buy a vehicle, you must first obtain a Certificate of Entitlement (COE) through bidding. Each month, a specific number of COEs are open for tender. Successful bidders pay the lowest successful bid price. The COE is valid for ten years from the date of registration of the vehicle and is non-transferable. You can revalidate the vehicle entitlement for another five years or ten years by paying the prevailing quota premium if you want to continue using your vehicle after its expiry. However, the five-year COEs are not renewable thereafter. Motor Vehicle Taxes In Singapore, purchase prices of all motor vehicles include an import duty, registration fee, additional Registration Fee (ARF) which is 150 percent of the car's open market value (OMV), and road tax according to the capacity of your car. There is a surcharge from between ten and 50 percent of the road tax if your car is more than ten years old. To renew the license, your car needs to pass an annual inspection.

What's JB

I thought Singapore had really high taxes on older cars. The yearly fee goes up heaps as the car gets older. So how is there so many old old celicas there. Has the situation changed over there

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank ***," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

Looking for recommendations for a tow ball bike carrier for Prado preferrably to carry 4 bikes. Which ones should I avoid so as not to hit spare wheel. Had a look at Thule and Ezigrip (from NZ).

All Queensland Government cars are registered in October - so unmarked police cars have a 10th month rego sticker. But you will notice they put them on the side window of the car not the windscreen now. I have heard the real undercover cops could be any month and any car. Also all the fixed speed cameras are in 4WD's usually white land cruisers (although I have seen other colours).

The filters are not supplied with the car. Back in 03 when I purchased my car thought I had been ripped off as well but at the time told by Toyota they are only actually pollen filters (so won't stop any smell) and they are for European conditions only. What we don't have pollen here - well probably nothing like countries that actually have 4 seasons. Saves Toyota money - also at the time you could not even buy one in Aus - don't know if that has changed.

Also don't you think it strange that ford has fixed it's engines and got more kw out and better fuel economy - so with the right money all is possible. B...... Toyota now that I'm used to this kind of power and fuel economy I'll be looking elsewhere for next upgrade (which normally would be now but holding off due to having to pay private school fees for two kids at the mo.)