mtbrider

My mate had a detector in his car. The police have a radar detector detector and they will get you. He got pulled over and the police said where is your detector ( it was really well hidden) he said he didn't have one. They said we have the authority to pull your car apart and leave it by the side of the road and we will. He showed them where it was. Can not remember the fine but it was huge.

L ITTLE VITO ON LIFE A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little Vito. He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking." LITTLE VITO ON MATH Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" for arithmetic. "Why?" asks Little Vito's father? "The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'. I said '6," replies Little Vito. "But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fuking difference?" asks Little Vito's father. "That's what I said!" LITTLE VITO ON ENGLISH Little Vito goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today, we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Little Vito says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Vito, that's a mouthful" Little Vito says, "No, Miss Rogers. You're thinking of a blow-job." LITTLE VITO ON GRAMMAR Little Vito was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a pee!!" The teacher replied, "Now, VITO, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use The word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Vito, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" LITTLE VITO ON MORE GRAMMAR One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice correctly. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it" "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautiful." She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Vito. He said, "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just fuking beautiful!" LITTLE VITO ON GETTING OLDER Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Vito answered, "No He minded his own fuking business".

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local council office to request the removal of the Koala Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many Koalas are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says: "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies: "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies: "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin: "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Bruce instantly replies: "Our allowance .. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says: "Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far." Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little $hit is adorable

A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE - NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS: 1) WON'T BEAT ME UP 2) WON'T RUN AWAY 3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None seemed to match her qualifications. Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you? And what do you want?" "Hi," he said, " your search is over, for I'm the man of your dreams. I've got no arms so I can't beat you up and no legs so I can't run away." "Well, then," she said, "what makes you think that you're so great in bed?" To which he replied "Well, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," says the Italian. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere a you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99 ?" "Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, And dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, datsa makea one hundred.

Spotted Red unbadged Sportivo CES twin outlet pipe dark wheels. He gave it a bit of a blast down Rochedale Rd Personalised plates Plates TR_ _7 Who was that ? I was in the Silver Sportivo infront then behind

Start with the real thing and work backwards erasing it. Play tape forward. Hey presto the Mona Lisa.

Homer and Bart - You don't make friends with salad

Semi professional mountain bike racer (I wish) pool man ironing service domestic duties house cleaner maintenance man child maintenance My wife does not agree with any of the above except the 1st one Accountant but never used it other than banking

Bit like the Pakistan cricket team they have given up cricket and have taken up Bob Slaying.

That topic name sounded rude. Turned out to be nuthing

http://www.ripit4me.org/ Sorry this is the correct site.

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

Glad to help. Good to see O'Briens still do it but they have obviously cottoned on to the price. I think I only paid about $10.

True enough. But if you are making a legal backup copyof your own DVD. Ripit4me.com works (now that new encryption sometimes beats DVD shrink) you still need to run through DVDdecryptor and DVD Shrink. See the instructions on the ripit4me site.

I thought the PS3 did not have HDMI connection that was one of the things wrong with it (by the critics point of view) as Sony was still fighting with the other movie studios about HDMI intoduction. But realistically have you done some searches on why HDMI is being introduced. Its all a ploy by the big movie studios and is only to stop pirating of movies etc. Apparently it has an extra wire for a secret signal that if not there gives a crappy picture / sound. Makes sense how can an iddy little wires in a HDMI cable be better than three large component wires. Consumer suckers are made to go HDMI and pay a fortune for the privilage. Seriously do some research.

I had it done once before by one of the windscreen repairers. O'Brien I think. It was really cheap. Hopefully they still do it - give them a ring.

Don't hold your hopes out on it being $40k for the UK version. Are they sending something cheap and nasty here?. This was only reported mid February. Read this "One Honda insider revealed to GoAuto that a fully loaded British-built Civic i-Shift hatchback could nudge $70,000 by the time it lands in Australia, effectively rendering it unsaleable. However, this does not necessarily mean that a Civic hatchback will not be offered over the next two years. According to Honda Australia managing director and CEO Toshio Iwamoto, the threedoor Civic Type-R might be released in Australia, as a limited-volume sports hatch. The Type-R uses a 2.0-litre i-VTEC engine that produces 147kW at 7800rpm and 192Nm at 5600rpm. The Civic Type-R would occupy the same sector that the cult 1999 Integra Type R abandoned in 2001."

Thanks for the photos. I don't think it looks too bad at all. If it had a decent motor like our sportivos I would be in for a new one. Hopefully they put it out with the V6 Aurion / Lexus motor.

Not bad for a Honda Jazz. Yes it is built on the Jazz platform.

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

I read in Mellors it was there . That's why I put up the post. Pity it was not available for the recent Brissy show.

Have any of you Melburnians been to see the new Corolla yet. Post up some pics and thoughts on it